Elbows Out

Hello you,

Christmas has arrived at the Klotz/Nash household! It may have taken an entire day of errands, and "just one more stop" spoken multiple times through gritted teeth, but it's here!

For those readers who have their own children, this post is to give you comfort in knowing you are definitely not the only parents out there experiencing mall phobia around the holiday season. For those readers who have no children; I feel for you. I see you trying to blend in to the elevator or bench beside me, silently praising yourself for consistently using Birth Control. I remember what it was like to be you; cherish your sleep.

In order to have an upper hand during a family outing, you need to keep your own demeanour in the neutral zone. Children are like dogs; they sense your fear and uneasiness around expensive items that are within arms reach. They can also smell out food vendors within a 50 foot radius, "I'm Hungry" being whined every two seconds ( they aren't sure you've heard them) I'm unclear of other children's eating habits, but I could feed my boys a five course meal only moments before going to the mall and they're still hungry. (you've gotta be kidding me... you just friggin' ate!!) Sure, I've read all the parenting books telling me to "stand my ground", if you say no the first time, you need to stay consistent. Obviously these delusional people have never been stuck walking through Chinook mall at a tortoise pace, pushing through crowds, trying jeans on with all three kids in a change room meant for one, and constantly reminding everyone to use their "indoor voice". There are days that a bag of Kernels popcorn or a cookie by George can save your life.

It is important to remember that the moment never lasts. Your "little angel" might be screaming on the floor of Chapters, or hiding in the racks of Target, but just remember that eventually you will be walking out that door, headed home (to pyjamas), alive! For those of you stuck in that specific elevator, or sitting beside that noisy, rambunctious litter of children, remember... they aren't yours!

Does anyone have any advice for keeping errands quick, and easy? Meltdowns to a minimum? Or perhaps a horror story of a trip to the mall gone wrong? Stories of hope from those who have mastered leaving their house with smiling children, to return home incident free? Please feel free to post and share your stories!

J.K.

A Hazy Thursday

After gabbing with friends and coworkers, asking for blog advice, I came to the conclusion that the best way to be successful is consistency. So here I am once again ready to enlighten your lives with anecdotes of a mostly sane, but sometimes crazy woman.

Waking up this morning was one of the hardest things I've had to do all week. "Are you sure it isn't Saturday?" I asked my 1 year old daughter as she began to throw things from my nightstand. Rolling over, blindly reaching for my glasses (my inner nerd has been revealed), i shout "Boys! Wake up!" for the fourth time today, and against my will, I drag my ass out of bed.

Mornings are usually a hazy marathon of child herding. Finally having everyone dressed and out the door (only 10 minutes late) I catch my youngest son about to walk outside in sock feet. "Logan! boots buddy. You need boots". With a blank stare he looks down and begins to laugh at himself...something I think everyone should do a lot more of. Gotta love my spaced-out, forgetful little man. I'm pretty sure he is the reason child leashes were invented. 

When I finally sat down at the end of the day I decided to fool around and customize my page. Well wouldn't you know it...that shit costs money! and using HTML is completely out of my brain functioning capabilities at 9pm. Hopefully the more wine I drink the easier this will get. 

J.K.

And so it begins...

Hello You,

Wow! Can I just say how much of a pain in the ass it was to come up with such an amazing name as "Calmingly Chaotic"...but I will gladly, graciously, and humbly accept 100% of the credit.

My name is Jennifer, I'm 26 years old (holy crap), engaged, and the mother to three amazing children; yes I know every parent says that about their kids, blah blah blah, but I never lie...on Sundays. The past 6 years of my life have been somewhat of a roller coaster ride for me and my kids. There have been ups; finally being able to afford the rent on a 3 bedroom apartment for the 4 of us to live, and of course there have been downs. All in all it brought me here: ass planted on a sagging couch cushion (stop jumping on the couch!), ready to blog my sanity away.

I like to keep myself busy doing little bits of anything and everything. My goal is to centre my posts around great and somewhat awful daily experiences, hilarious childhood antics, and whatever craft addiction I've recently developed, or dug out from the bottom of my closet.

J.K.